How Do I Live with Shame?

HOW DO I LIVE WITH SHAME?

Shame: The feeling of not being good enough, less than, inferior to others. Brown (2016) tells us that feeling shame can lead to withdrawing and isolating from others, seeking to please or appease others, or being aggressive and trying to gain power over others.

These actions are meant to protect us or shield us from feeling shame. But! These actions do not serve us (Brown, 2016).

Isolating and withdrawing from people promotes loneliness and feeling not important. Pleasing people is exhausting and feeds the feeling of unworthiness. Additionally, fighting the feeling of shame with aggression and power over another person, will eventually end relationships causing a disconnection from others.

We know that shame is a human emotion, just like happiness, joy, sadness, and disappointment are human emotions.  And like all emotions, shame is to be felt, witnessed, and then released. Accepting shame and what causes this feeling can promote a healthy experience of feeling it.

QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION:

1.  I feel shame when:
2.  I protect myself from feeling shame by:
3.  Describe the feeling of shame in your body:
4.  What thoughts are associated with shame:
5.  When I feel shame, I am disconnected from:
6.  Shame prevents me from:
7.  A memory that is easily recalled of feeling shame is: 

ACTIVITIES TO MOVE SHAME: 

1.  Acknowledge the feeling of shame.
2.  Describe the feeling in your body.
3.  Move your body and intentionally release the feeling of shame.
4.  Develop worthiness.
5.  Know self-love and self-confidence.
6.  Listen to music that brings you joy.
7.  Talk about the event/situation with a trusted friend/partner/counselor. Share your story.
8.  Use your voice and speak up. Advocate for yourself.
9.  Rest and rejuvenate.
10.  Establish a goal and work toward manifesting it.

Brown, B. (2016). Shame Shields: The armor we sue to protect ourselves and why it doesn't work [Power-Point Slides]. COURAGEworks, LLC.